Throughout my personal experiences with addiction, education in substance abuse counseling and working in the substance use treatment field I have learned one thing...
I know nothing!!
Alma 26:12 says " Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."
This is the good news though!! On our own, we know nothing but with and through the Lord, we can know all things and become one with Him. I want to introduce a word, CODEPENDENCY. I encourage you to read, study and learn what this word means and how it might possibly apply to your life and relationship with your children. We all have weaknesses and fall short from the glory of God.
Ether 12:27 " And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong unto them."
Codependency founded by the father of all lies and is his counterfeit for charity and the pure love of Christ. Codependency is subtle and sneaky because it shows up like love and a selfless desire to help others and isn't that what the Gospel teaches us? Satan loves this cunning attribute because it frustrates the Lord's work and takes away people's agency which is the very thing we fought to have before coming here. Don't misread what I am saying because although codependency may show up in your life or family's life, doesn't discredit the real love you have for one another. I believe codependency is at the root of every addiction, as well as it festers and shows up in the lives of the loved ones of the addicts.
The best thing my parents ever did for me was stop helping me!!! I was a heroin addict and their justified fear was if they stopped giving me food or money for a roof over my head or money to pay my phone bill, they might not ever see or hear from me again. Wow. What a leap of blind faith they took to finally let go and trust the Lord that in his infinite mercy and grace would do what was in my best interest and most contributive to his overall plan and work. They will share that this process of recovery wasn't just mine but theirs as well. People make comments often and don't seem to understand that concept, however its true. They became new people through this process and learned to trust the Lord in a way they hadn't before. A parent's love for their child is so intense and pure and selfless and to get to the point where they were willing to put aside their desires and will which was to have a happy living and sober child and instead turn me over to care of the Lord is baffling. Of course they never stopped wanting these righteous desires, however they came to the point where they knew they could do nothing more and were powerless over me and my addiction and asked the Lord to take over.
It got worse before it got better. All good things come to those that wait and endure and persist, however often our greatest blessings are preceded by some of the toughest and darkest trials. My parents letting go and not enabling me and allowing me to live on the street for a time was by far the best gift they have been able to give me in this life time. The pure love of Christ is not about us and our feelings and fears and is not smothering or manipulative, instead its trusting and nurturing and patient. UGGHH!!! The P word!!! PATIENCE!! I don't even like to mention this word for fear of being blessed with more opportunities to learn more of it! The Lord and me having been working on my patience for some time now. He apparently feels like its a good and necessary attribute for me to have in my life. I still don't love patience. Because patience to me now means something different than it has in the past. Patience used to mean not rushing my friend when she is running behind and we have a date planned. Today, patience means putting off the natural man and all of my desires even the righteous ones and waiting upon his timing...
CHEERFULLY.
The Lord wants us to be happy and to find joy in the journey. The only way I have discovered to experience real joy is to set aside my fears and have faith in the one who has conquered all and is my master and Lord.
So.. to answer the original question, what to do when your child is an addict.
Reach out for help and take suggestions from the people the Lord has placed in your life and path that may have walked this journey before. Cast out all fear and have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and his intimate careful concern and participation in your life. My parents had to get to the place where they were ok with whatever the Lord had prepared and only then were they able to step out of the way and make room for the Lord to work miracles. And finally, ask the Lord in prayer what codependency is and how it applies to your life. Notice I didn't use the word "if".
John 8:7 " He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
We all fall short and as you work on your own shortcomings and are honest and vulnerable you allow and invite your children to do the same. This is the work for the eternities that will have influence and impact for generations to come.
In conclusion, I testify of the intricate and yet personal plan for each of us that the Lord has prepared since the beginning of time. His ways are higher than ours but as we trust him and learn of him his ways can become ours. I am grateful for my addiction and the trials I have been asked to pick up and bare, for they have proven to be the most direct path back to my Savior and my heart has been turned to his through these experiences. Parents, you have not caused your children's addiction and you certainly can not cure it, however you can contribute to their recovery by working your own. The everpresent power of the atonement is real and enables me to do and be so much more than I can on my own. As I recall sacred promises and scriptures and gospel principles throughout the day, I am blessed with added protection and discernment. Addiction is powerful and a scientifically proven medical disease that the Adversary takes pleasure in, however the One who has all power can and will turn this weakness and destruction within the family and home into a beautiful testimony that WILL cause affect for the betterment of others.
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